Wayne
08-09-2009, 08:05 AM
Ha! Your mum told me to look out for that birthmark!
Mentioning his mother whilst he is in a state of undress is very unwise. He either won't be able to shift her image from his mind thus being unable to get jiggy for fear of developing some freaky Oedipus complex or he'll simply start wondering what exactly you and she have been discussing.
Oooh, I bet that hairy back keeps you warm
Even if he looks like King Kong, don't EVER hint that he is too hirsute. Most men are (quite unnecessarily if you ask us) mortified by their back rug and pointing out that he belongs in a zoo probably won't endear him to you. Nobody's perfect and moreover, we bet you've got an unwanted tuft or two too.
The wax is heating up, lets do a back, sack and crack!
The average Joe fears nothing more than imagining molten lava being applied to his nether regions. He appreciates what you go through to be silky smooth but the thought of having his privates pruned by ripping hair from its follicles will cause his happy sacks to crawl up inside him in terror.
It's ok, I don't mind moobs
Since the creation of the the word 'moobs', men have been signing up to gyms in their droves, terrified that we'll burst out laughing at the sight of anything other than a Schwarzenegger chest. It's the equivalent of being told he doesn't mind saddlebags; we know he sees them, we'd just rather he didn't mention them.
Don't worry, everyone looks funny naked
When mentioning his nude physique it's probably best not to use the words 'funny' or 'weird'. We doubt he finds your comments remotely amusing so leave the comedy to the experts and keep sexy compliments for the bedroom.
Is that it?
Imagine your late night lover unhooking your bra, removing the extra large pair of chicken fillets secretly stuffed into the cups and exclaiming the same thing. You wouldn't be best pleased would you? Look impressed whatever he whips out and besides, you never know, he might be a grower not a shower.
Would you like a gym membership for your birthday?
If it bothers you that much, there is a time and a place to subtly mention he's getting a little squidgy round the edges and it's not when he's at his most vulnerable, butt-naked in the bedroom and about to lick full-fat whipped cream of your thigh.
I really admire that Lorena Bobbitt's quick thinking
Bringing up the ultimate revenge is enough to deflate even the hardiest of studs. Yet, if he's been unfaithful, you're right to put the heebie jeebies up him...so long as you don't intend on following through on your threatening musings of course.
Yes, ok, my ex was bigger but...
But nothing madam. Never undermine his manhood and even if your ex was Dirk Diggler, you must never EVER compare him to your previous stallions. Unless you want him to play spot the difference between you and his ex who just so happened to be a swimwear model of course? Nope, thought not.
Be quick, my parents / husband will be back soon
The fear of being caught in the act by your Dad or your 6' 7" rugby playing hubby should be enough to send most blokes running for the hills, clothed or otherwise.
Oooh, that's weird, never seen one like that before
This is the sentence every man does NOT want to hear while naked. Just be mindful that every dude is different but equally delightful
On second thoughts, let's turn the lights off shall we?
If you've sobered up early and realised your fading beer goggles have turned the Brad Pitt you picked up two hours ago into Wayne Rooney, make your excuses and leave rather than destroying his confidence and doing something you know you'll regret.
Size doesn't REEEEALLY matter
If his manhood isn't as magnificent as you'd hoped just don't mention it. It's what he can do with it that counts and if he's generous enough to admire our less than perfect bodies, we can return the same favour.
Let's watch my favourite movie, Fatal Attraction
This flick strikes fear into the heart of every man on earth, especially those who have pets. No man wants to be naked and vulnerable next to a real-life bunny boiler, he'll always be scared of what you might do if he steps out of line.
Oh yeah, your ex told me it did that
Joking about or discussing his privates with a pal or ex before you've even laid eyes on his bare bod is just plain lousy.
Mentioning his mother whilst he is in a state of undress is very unwise. He either won't be able to shift her image from his mind thus being unable to get jiggy for fear of developing some freaky Oedipus complex or he'll simply start wondering what exactly you and she have been discussing.
Oooh, I bet that hairy back keeps you warm
Even if he looks like King Kong, don't EVER hint that he is too hirsute. Most men are (quite unnecessarily if you ask us) mortified by their back rug and pointing out that he belongs in a zoo probably won't endear him to you. Nobody's perfect and moreover, we bet you've got an unwanted tuft or two too.
The wax is heating up, lets do a back, sack and crack!
The average Joe fears nothing more than imagining molten lava being applied to his nether regions. He appreciates what you go through to be silky smooth but the thought of having his privates pruned by ripping hair from its follicles will cause his happy sacks to crawl up inside him in terror.
It's ok, I don't mind moobs
Since the creation of the the word 'moobs', men have been signing up to gyms in their droves, terrified that we'll burst out laughing at the sight of anything other than a Schwarzenegger chest. It's the equivalent of being told he doesn't mind saddlebags; we know he sees them, we'd just rather he didn't mention them.
Don't worry, everyone looks funny naked
When mentioning his nude physique it's probably best not to use the words 'funny' or 'weird'. We doubt he finds your comments remotely amusing so leave the comedy to the experts and keep sexy compliments for the bedroom.
Is that it?
Imagine your late night lover unhooking your bra, removing the extra large pair of chicken fillets secretly stuffed into the cups and exclaiming the same thing. You wouldn't be best pleased would you? Look impressed whatever he whips out and besides, you never know, he might be a grower not a shower.
Would you like a gym membership for your birthday?
If it bothers you that much, there is a time and a place to subtly mention he's getting a little squidgy round the edges and it's not when he's at his most vulnerable, butt-naked in the bedroom and about to lick full-fat whipped cream of your thigh.
I really admire that Lorena Bobbitt's quick thinking
Bringing up the ultimate revenge is enough to deflate even the hardiest of studs. Yet, if he's been unfaithful, you're right to put the heebie jeebies up him...so long as you don't intend on following through on your threatening musings of course.
Yes, ok, my ex was bigger but...
But nothing madam. Never undermine his manhood and even if your ex was Dirk Diggler, you must never EVER compare him to your previous stallions. Unless you want him to play spot the difference between you and his ex who just so happened to be a swimwear model of course? Nope, thought not.
Be quick, my parents / husband will be back soon
The fear of being caught in the act by your Dad or your 6' 7" rugby playing hubby should be enough to send most blokes running for the hills, clothed or otherwise.
Oooh, that's weird, never seen one like that before
This is the sentence every man does NOT want to hear while naked. Just be mindful that every dude is different but equally delightful
On second thoughts, let's turn the lights off shall we?
If you've sobered up early and realised your fading beer goggles have turned the Brad Pitt you picked up two hours ago into Wayne Rooney, make your excuses and leave rather than destroying his confidence and doing something you know you'll regret.
Size doesn't REEEEALLY matter
If his manhood isn't as magnificent as you'd hoped just don't mention it. It's what he can do with it that counts and if he's generous enough to admire our less than perfect bodies, we can return the same favour.
Let's watch my favourite movie, Fatal Attraction
This flick strikes fear into the heart of every man on earth, especially those who have pets. No man wants to be naked and vulnerable next to a real-life bunny boiler, he'll always be scared of what you might do if he steps out of line.
Oh yeah, your ex told me it did that
Joking about or discussing his privates with a pal or ex before you've even laid eyes on his bare bod is just plain lousy.